Once upon a time there was a girl named Kristina. In high school she was active in many things like PT Team (female commander w00t!), theater, and marching band. All these things kept her very busy and in decent physical shape. She was not super model skinny at 5'2" and 125, but she looked and felt good. She could run a mile and do numerous sit-ups without breaking a sweat. Things were pretty awesome for her.
Then reality set in.
This skinny, fit girl went on to college and gained about 30 lbs in her freshman year (freshman 15 my ass...). Ironically, she didn't really notice until none of her pants fit. Still having high esteem, she said "Fuck it" and went on her merry way. In a further ironic turn of events, she lost most of this weight working at a certain sandwich shop know for losing weight if you follow their diet. This was in no way intentional. Being broke and getting 80% off of sandwiches is the only way this happened, seeing as Kristina lacked any willpower whatsoever. So, she lost the weight, but didn't gain back her former stamina. Not being in any of her former activities, she didn't really notice or care.
Fast forward a couple of years....
This formerly pretty and skinny girl is now living back at home due to a very bad set of events. Her self esteem has taken a hard hit from living with a very, very bad guy. She now has a baby girl and a dead end job. No doubt, this leads to depression. She wants to look and feel good again, but has no time to do so. In turn, this feeds on low self esteem issues and being depressed. It turns into a vicious cycle she sees no way out of.
Fast forward another few years....
Kristina has pulled herself out of her hole mentally. She's now married with 2 beautiful girls and an active career that makes her very happy. But her self esteem still isn't all that great. Having time now to actually get into shape, she now lacks the willpower and stamina. In the back of her head she thinks "Damn, it sure would be nice to be skinny. But I'm just to busy smoking and drinking coffee while seeing whats new on the internet. Oh well."
And this brings us to the current moment.......
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Shit ends now.
I've been putting this off waaaay too long. I want to be in shape again. I don't want to smoke anymore....okay, that's a total lie. I like smoking. I like eating whatever I want. I like doing whatever the fuck I feel like. But it doesn't work that way. Anything worth having demands sacrifice and hard work. So, here's the million dollar question...
Do I want to be skinny? Or do I want to keep fucking around?
I want both damn it, but life isn't fair like that (at least, not to me.) I've finally decided I want to skinny more than I want to smoke.I want to not agonize over what to wear due to feeling "pudgy". I want to be able to get out of the shower and go "Damn girl, you fine!". I want to go to my husband's shows and not completely hate the stick thin bitch with abs of steel hooting and hollering at him. Well, not hate her for her rock hard abs, just for being a gorgeous bitch hooting and hollering at what's mine. I will cut you, nameless bitch.
But I digress. Being completely fed up with this, I decided to start working out. Still being a smoker, this didn't end well. To get into real shape, I have to quit smoking. The irony of this being that most people gain weight when they quit smoking.This is not going to be me damn it.
THE PLAN
Quitting smoking is going to be hard. I have a feeling its going to be harder for those around me. What's going to make it brutal it that instead of substituting food for that craving, I'm going to work out. Keeping decent food in my house is the easy part. The hard part is my job. We are a serious bunch of fatties (both literal and not) around that place. Someone is always bringing in food, or worse yet, a drug rep. Drug reps want our business, so they feed us AWESOME food. I don't mean a sack of burgers and some fries, I mean full catering from Ruby Tuesday or whatnot. So, there will still be temptation to be avoided.
The idea (at the moment) is to force myself to do something physical when I want a smoke. Push ups, sit ups, whatever will wear me out enough not to want that smoke anymore. I do have a sneaking suspicion that my swearing is going to increase tenfold. So, cover your ears children!
Today is not going be Day 1. I didn't get up planning this, so I've already smoked and fucked around this morning. But I did go run a mile in the rain (which brought on this epiphany). So, I'll count to day as -1. The last chance to fuck around a little and smoke this last cigarette. Tomorrow, I go forth and conquer. Or shank my husband for having steak and eggs at work for breakfast. Either way.
